My Southern Belle

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Lynn Calloway O'Neal·Tuesday, July 12, 2016

There seems to be so much talk about what it means to be Southern or what it means to be a Southern Belle. I have my own thoughts of what I believe to be a real Southern Belle and what has been instilled into my family for generations.

We all know the character of Scarlett O'Hara as the epitome of a Southern Belle. I am a Scarlett fan and I saw Gone With the Wind with my mother for the first time when I was a little girl, however, the Scarlet Southern Belle is far from my reality.

I was born in the South, in Marietta, Georgia when my father served in the Air Force. We moved several times during my younger years. Moving from Marietta took us to Opelika, Alabama, then Dothan, Alabama, where the majority of my family is from and most still live there. My grandparents had and still have, even though they have passed away, a one hundred plus year old small farmhouse built by my great- great -grandfather. From Dothan, we moved to Jacksonville, Florida, Clearwater, Florida, Montgomery , Alabama then the final move to Birmingham, Alabama. Birmingham is the most North that I have ever lived and I have no desire to go any farther North.

My great-grandfather was a carpenter and a cotton farmer. My grandfather was a cotton farmer, peanut farmer and also had a regular job in the "city." My grandmother took care of the farm and also had a "city" job. She wore dresses and heels every single day to work and to church. She came home at the end of the day, kept on her dress but changed into her house shoes, with hose of course; put on an apron and stood over a hot stove and cooked a complete, home cooked meal. The meal consisted of meat, usually from the farm, and always fresh vegetables, also from the farm. On weekends, she stayed busy taking care of her family and her home while, putting up fresh vegetables and canning jellies and preserves. Several weekends in the fall meant “hog killing” time. My grandmother helped my great grandfather and my grandfather process and put up meat for the winter. I have seen her ring a chicken's neck many times and serve up said chicken for "supper" the same night. Nothing quite like fresh chicken.

On Sunday's my grandmother rose early, read her Sunday School lesson so that she would be prepared to teach her ladies' Sunday School Class. She cooked Sunday "dinner" for the family , which usually meant the "Preacher was coming for dinner too. After church she would serve dinner, clean up the dishes, take a short nap, still in her Sunday best then get up and go to Training Union. After Sunday night church, it was always left overs or milk with cornbread for supper. Early to bed, then to start over for the week.

My beautiful mother, who was born in a house "just down the road a piece" became just as hard of a worker as my grandmother, all while retaining the true southern style, grace, charm and "ladylike" qualities as my grandmother. She worked hard at her job while maintaining her family, and did without so that her children could have more. Many times there was too much week left after the money was gone but somehow she and my father managed.

My mother is like my grandmother and my great-grandmother in so many ways. Faith in God first, family and teaching family values and hard work and never giving up. These three strong women are my examples of real Southern Belles. They are not something out of a fairy tale or a Hollywood movie script. These Southern Belles are real life and real life values, ups and downs, struggles and victories. These Southern Belles are genuine and extol life lessons of taking care of family, no matter the cost, respecting others, surviving in the midst of hard times, always taking the high road, and at all times, being a lady.

The Southern Belle in my world only wore white gloves on Sunday or to funerals. Most days, her hands were too busy getting dirty in the dirt, picking peas, shelling peas, shucking corn, plucking the feathers off of a chicken, wiping her hands on the apron that she wore to gather pears from the pear tree and with those same hands holding my face in her hands to give a loving kiss and a hug when she saw tears on her granddaughter's face. The Southern Belle in my world held her daughter's hand as she crossed the street, disciplined her daughter when she needed it, held the Bible in her hands as she read to her daughter, held her daughter's favorite book in her hands as she read to her daughter, held the spelling list in her hands as she called out "spelling" words to her daughter the night before a test, clapped with her hands from the sidelines as she watched her daughter dance on the field. She put band aids on her fingers as she stayed up late to make a new dress for her daughter, hugged and held her daughter as her daughter buried her first child, because she too had to bury her child. My Southern Belle held out her hands to hold her new grandchild that she never thought she would see and the hands that still love and hug her grandchildren every time she sees them and the hands that still brush her granddaughter's hair just because her granddaughter still asks her to. The same hands that made chocolate milk and grilled cheese sandwiches for her only grandson and cheered him on when he played football.

The Southern Belle in my world is much more than a movie character. She is a source of strength for her family, she is loving and kind but she is not afraid to take a stand. She knows how to be a lady and she knows how to pass that along to her grandchildren in her very own quite, intentional way. She has passed along family values, dignity, a love for life and a strength that comes from God and a willingness to survive no matter the circumstances. She is more than hooped dresses, white gloves, a southern accent, family silver and hissy fits. She is my legacy, she is my family, born generations ago and her spirit lives on in my daughter, a genuine, strong southern lady and in my son, a true, strong southern gentleman.

There are some things, that can't be taught, some things are inspired and lived out in generations before and passed down in ways so strong that they are a part of who you become. I am forever grateful for my legacy and for the lessons, traditions and values much too strong to diminish through time. Carry on my children, you have been given a gift; one that you shall pass on to future generations and I have no doubt will continue the legacy of Southern and Strong.