My Southern Belle

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Lynn Calloway O'Neal·Tuesday, July 12, 2016

There seems to be so much talk about what it means to be Southern or what it means to be a Southern Belle. I have my own thoughts of what I believe to be a real Southern Belle and what has been instilled into my family for generations.

We all know the character of Scarlett O'Hara as the epitome of a Southern Belle. I am a Scarlett fan and I saw Gone With the Wind with my mother for the first time when I was a little girl, however, the Scarlet Southern Belle is far from my reality.

I was born in the South, in Marietta, Georgia when my father served in the Air Force. We moved several times during my younger years. Moving from Marietta took us to Opelika, Alabama, then Dothan, Alabama, where the majority of my family is from and most still live there. My grandparents had and still have, even though they have passed away, a one hundred plus year old small farmhouse built by my great- great -grandfather. From Dothan, we moved to Jacksonville, Florida, Clearwater, Florida, Montgomery , Alabama then the final move to Birmingham, Alabama. Birmingham is the most North that I have ever lived and I have no desire to go any farther North.

My great-grandfather was a carpenter and a cotton farmer. My grandfather was a cotton farmer, peanut farmer and also had a regular job in the "city." My grandmother took care of the farm and also had a "city" job. She wore dresses and heels every single day to work and to church. She came home at the end of the day, kept on her dress but changed into her house shoes, with hose of course; put on an apron and stood over a hot stove and cooked a complete, home cooked meal. The meal consisted of meat, usually from the farm, and always fresh vegetables, also from the farm. On weekends, she stayed busy taking care of her family and her home while, putting up fresh vegetables and canning jellies and preserves. Several weekends in the fall meant “hog killing” time. My grandmother helped my great grandfather and my grandfather process and put up meat for the winter. I have seen her ring a chicken's neck many times and serve up said chicken for "supper" the same night. Nothing quite like fresh chicken.

On Sunday's my grandmother rose early, read her Sunday School lesson so that she would be prepared to teach her ladies' Sunday School Class. She cooked Sunday "dinner" for the family , which usually meant the "Preacher was coming for dinner too. After church she would serve dinner, clean up the dishes, take a short nap, still in her Sunday best then get up and go to Training Union. After Sunday night church, it was always left overs or milk with cornbread for supper. Early to bed, then to start over for the week.

My beautiful mother, who was born in a house "just down the road a piece" became just as hard of a worker as my grandmother, all while retaining the true southern style, grace, charm and "ladylike" qualities as my grandmother. She worked hard at her job while maintaining her family, and did without so that her children could have more. Many times there was too much week left after the money was gone but somehow she and my father managed.

My mother is like my grandmother and my great-grandmother in so many ways. Faith in God first, family and teaching family values and hard work and never giving up. These three strong women are my examples of real Southern Belles. They are not something out of a fairy tale or a Hollywood movie script. These Southern Belles are real life and real life values, ups and downs, struggles and victories. These Southern Belles are genuine and extol life lessons of taking care of family, no matter the cost, respecting others, surviving in the midst of hard times, always taking the high road, and at all times, being a lady.

The Southern Belle in my world only wore white gloves on Sunday or to funerals. Most days, her hands were too busy getting dirty in the dirt, picking peas, shelling peas, shucking corn, plucking the feathers off of a chicken, wiping her hands on the apron that she wore to gather pears from the pear tree and with those same hands holding my face in her hands to give a loving kiss and a hug when she saw tears on her granddaughter's face. The Southern Belle in my world held her daughter's hand as she crossed the street, disciplined her daughter when she needed it, held the Bible in her hands as she read to her daughter, held her daughter's favorite book in her hands as she read to her daughter, held the spelling list in her hands as she called out "spelling" words to her daughter the night before a test, clapped with her hands from the sidelines as she watched her daughter dance on the field. She put band aids on her fingers as she stayed up late to make a new dress for her daughter, hugged and held her daughter as her daughter buried her first child, because she too had to bury her child. My Southern Belle held out her hands to hold her new grandchild that she never thought she would see and the hands that still love and hug her grandchildren every time she sees them and the hands that still brush her granddaughter's hair just because her granddaughter still asks her to. The same hands that made chocolate milk and grilled cheese sandwiches for her only grandson and cheered him on when he played football.

The Southern Belle in my world is much more than a movie character. She is a source of strength for her family, she is loving and kind but she is not afraid to take a stand. She knows how to be a lady and she knows how to pass that along to her grandchildren in her very own quite, intentional way. She has passed along family values, dignity, a love for life and a strength that comes from God and a willingness to survive no matter the circumstances. She is more than hooped dresses, white gloves, a southern accent, family silver and hissy fits. She is my legacy, she is my family, born generations ago and her spirit lives on in my daughter, a genuine, strong southern lady and in my son, a true, strong southern gentleman.

There are some things, that can't be taught, some things are inspired and lived out in generations before and passed down in ways so strong that they are a part of who you become. I am forever grateful for my legacy and for the lessons, traditions and values much too strong to diminish through time. Carry on my children, you have been given a gift; one that you shall pass on to future generations and I have no doubt will continue the legacy of Southern and Strong.

A Bit Of Nostalgia

How I miss the days of high school and waking up to my favorite radio station.  Those simple days of just getting up and going to school.  The days of anticipation of seeing your friends everyday and planning our weekends. I miss the days of not really knowing every single detail of life, the days of sharing private moments and stories with your friends and not being afraid that they would be broadcast to the entire world through photos or timeline posts. I miss the days of privacy, the days of one phone, yes one phone in the house. The days of taking turns to make a phone call, the days of everyone sitting down to dinner at night without checking a cell phone or status.   I miss the days of three television stations and no recorded programs.  I miss the days of stores being closed on Sunday's and long lazy days after church with nothing to do but go outside and play football or round up a group of friends for a sit in chat session.  I miss simplicity, I miss quietness, I miss an uncluttered world.

Strawberry Jammin'

For some reason, I had the urge to make homemade Strawberry Jam. Today was the big day!  After much encouragement from my mom, I knew that I could do this.  After reading and rereading the directions on the Sure Jell box, I tackled the 8 pints of beautiful Plant City, Florida strawberries with gusto. First, I sanitized the small Ball Mason jars.  For those of you who know me, you know that I LOVE Mason jars!  I boiled the lids in a small saucepan. After washing the strawberries, hulling and drying, it was time. I carefully measured the sugar and mashed berries to perfection. The smell of strawberries, sugar and pectin boiling brought back wonderful memories of helping my grandmother make jelly.  I used to stand beside her in her little country kitchen in South Alabama, just waiting to be the taste tester.  I was always amazed when the beautiful red liquid with the clumps of strawberries filled the jars.  Even more amazed that it gelled.  Her counter was always covered with tea towels, holding the fruits of her labor. 

After carefully mashing the red fruit, mixing the pectin and sugar, the smell of something good filled my kitchen.  I felt a sense of accomplishment as I filled those little glass jars with the jam. All the while thinking of those that I would share it with. 

I was a little nervous with the "sealing of the jars".  No, actually I was anxiety ridden.  If the lids did not seal, the jam would have to go in the fridge. If the lids did seal they could be stored for up to a year.  Success!!  Sealed...every singe one of them!   Now to let them sit for at least 24 hours for the final gelling to take affect.  Guess what everyone is getting for Christmas this year?  

Thanks to my sweet, grandmother, who left me with a legacy of appreciating the small things in life and who believed in me and encouraged me that I could do anything that I put my mind to.  Thanks to my wonderful mother for carrying on that legacy. Maybe just maybe, I can pass the gift on to my daughter....and son.

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Little jars all washed and sterilized, ready for the yummy jam.

Lovely, red, ripe strawberries!

Let the mashing begin!

Strawberry mash.

Sealing success!

Wonderful little jars of tasty jam.

It's Been A While...

It's been a while since I have posted on my blog site.  I had almost forgotten that I had a blog!  It has been a year since posting.  We just celebrated yet another Thanksgiving in our home.  This time, it was filled with my family, cousins, that I had not seen in years.  How heart warming it was to be with one of my favorite cousins who I grew up with and now to have him in our home sharing a long awaited Thanksgiving together. This season has been a joyous time with visiting with family and friends, the things that I am most thankful for.


This has been a long and trying year in our family. Most of it involved our son, Michael and his unexpected transfer from his beloved college, The University of Alabama.  He was a walk on punter.  He was told after the A Day game that Coach Saban wanted to take him as one of his three punters.  Excitement prevailed and plans were made for the upcoming sophomore year and the upcoming football season.  Hopes were destroyed when for some reason the end of July, Michael was called in to his coaches office and was told that things had changed, Saban had changed his mind and he was keeping the two punters that he had.  Michael was told his chances of ever playing at Alabama were very slim.  The same day, Samford University called Alabama looking for a punter.  Michael made the decision to leave Alabama and play for Samford. The details are many and we are taking the high road about Alabama's decision.  For the moment, we are focusing on Samford football and Michael's future as the punter.  As I told Michael, "we never know what God protected him from."  His plans are not always our plans.  I believe God has something even better in store for Michael's life.


We are preparing for our daughter's graduation from The University of Alabama.  Katherine will be a graduate from The Capstone College of Nursing.  She graduates, December 17th  of this year.  She has worked very hard the past 4 and a half years.  Her accomplishments have been great and her hard work is paying off in many areas of her life.  She had a very successful Preceptorship at a local , very well known hospital.  She will take her nursing boards in January and hopefully will have a job very soon after taking and passing her boards.  We are very proud of her and of her focus and hard work.  I pray daily for God to lead her in the right direction and for Him to show her His plan for her life, in every aspect.


At this moment, we are getting ready to watch the biggest rivalry game of the year, The Iron Bowl.  For the first time that I can remember and  from the first time I said "Roll Tide"  as a toddler, I have many mixed emotions about this game. As a mother, it's a difficult to separate the game from the emotions that our son and our family experienced.  The one thing this has done for me is to put football in perspective.  Let's just say, I love the game and I love the players, other than that, I do not wast any time or emotion on any one person, coach, player or play.


I do know for a fact, Who holds the future and that His future is more glorious than anything that I can possibly plan, or comprehend.  It is to Christ my God and King that I give my praise, my soul and my life. He wants me and all of me and to Him I owe it all.  I know that I have been "recruited" for life to God and nothing can ever change that.

You always find the strength

There are times in life when decisions must be made. I have learned so much by watching our children make decisions that will affect their lives in the future. At times the decisions are painful to make and even more painful to act on. It is comforting after making those decisions to look back and realize they were absolutely the right ones to make.
After a while, one tires of the same old promises being made and once again being broken. You can only give a person so many chances until you realize, they have no intention of changing....if they cared enough about you, they would attempt to change unhealthy ways. When you come to the realization that the person does not want to change then it's time to walk away. It's only later that you realize what was really going on and it's only later that you realize how much better off you are and that it should have been done a long time ago.
As a parent we try to teach our children to think for themselves, to make the right choices and most of all to seek God's guidance in every aspect of life. What a joy it is to watch as your children have indeed become the product of what has been taught. What more can a parent ask for?

Another Thanksgiving has passed

The hustle and bustle of shopping for groceries for the Thanksgiving meal, preparing the meal, enjoying the meal with family, all done for yet another year.
We follow traditions in our family.  Mom always makes her delicious dressing, gravy, and my great grandmother's pecan pie.  Richard's mom brings the tea and the incredible rolls from our favorite bakery, Saveges.  It would not Thanksgiving without a trip to Savages. I cook the turkey and Richard carves the turkey.  I make green bean bundles, homemade mashed potatoes and chocolate mousse for dessert.  

Everyone was sufficiently fed and appetites satisfied.  Yet another successful Thanksgivng at the O'Neal home.  This was our 19th Thanksgiving around our table in this home.  I still see the little girl and the little boy sitting at our table.  The little girl is now 21 and the little boy is now 19.   Thank you God for your many blessings. Now on to Christmas!

 

What are you Thankful For?

Can it be time for Thanksgiving again? It seems as though we went from flip flops to Halloween costumes in the blink of an eye. I know when Halloween is over, Thanksgiving is just peeking out from behind the beautiful, November moon.

There is always a hustle and bustle to get just the right turkey, plan the traditional meal offerings, and making sure that I have everyone's favorite side dish or dessert. My favorite side dish is my Mother's dressing. It is honestly the best that I have ever had. I look forward to it every Thanksgiving. I have tried to assemble the recipe myself, but for some reason, it never tastes the same. My mother, does not have a recipe, she just makes it. You know, a pinch of this and a smidgen of that. The way southern Mama's cook.

This year, both of our children are in college. This has been the first year for both of them to be away. It's been quite an adjustment but it's been good and so many good things have happened for both of them. I'm am just a little excited about them coming home tomorrow. Actually, I am VERY excited about them coming home.

Back to the title of this post. I am so thankful to serve a God who has chosen me to be his child, adopted by Him, to honor, praise and glorify Him every day of my life. He who gave me eternal life through His Son, Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. I am thankful for His word that He has provided for us to be in constant fellowship with Him and for His word convicting me and leading me back to Him whenever I stray. I am thankful to Him and eternally grateful. As the song says, "I scarce can take it in."

I am thankful for my family for making my life worth living and for adding so much joy to my life, more than I could have ever imagined. God blessed us when he gave us a daughter and a son to care for, to love and to train them in the way of the Lord. Both were brought into God's family at young ages. They have continued to grow spiritually and in their love for the Lord. I am thankful that they know how important it is to serve others and to be a witness. We have taken care of their earthly needs, now they are old enough to figure out what kind of adults they want to be and how they want to spend their lives serving God by serving others, which all comes back to Glorifying our Father.

I realize as I type this post, that everything that I am thankful for, God has provided. I have not mentioned anything about material things. Can it be that God is still working in my life and He has made me realize what is truly important in this life? If I do not worship Him, if I do not glorify Him, if I do not find peace in His Words, and if I do not share the gospel with others, there is not much to be thankful for is there? "Oh to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be."

Happy Thanksgiving....."give thanks with a grateful heart."